What the…
So there’s this boy. Really the only way you could describe our relationship is that we’ve had “a thing” for over four years now. A thing! Never officially dated. Oh, we’ve done the seeing each other, the just friends, the hating each other, but its yet to turn into anything legitimate. I guess I shouldn’t say that.. its legitimate I suppose. The feelings are there, etc, buuut its definitely not what I want. Hasn’t been for four years. How can you have “a thing” with somebody for so long and it never turn into something real? I have no clue how I’ve let it get so far. I’m kinda at a now or never standpoint but it looks like he’s leaning towards never. It’s heartbreaking, in all honesty. I don’t understand it, but of course you never do in situations like this. So much has happened between the two of us, and despite my feelings I really consider him a friend as well. For so long he’s been the person I go to with good or bad news, or just a random thought. He’s one of those people I start a conversation with, however meaningless it may be, simply because I enjoy talking to him. Lately, its gone so downhill. Just months ago he broke up with his girlfriend because he supposedly wanted to be with me. Yet, still no relationship. Every time I mention it he says “I’m not ready to date anyone yet.” And, pardon my language, but what the FUCK. And at this point, I shouldn’t even be wasting anymore of my time on him because in all reality, its going absolutely nowhere. Anyone can see that. Its hard to let go. I know we can’t go back to being just friends, and I don’t want to lose him. Its a constant stress, and he’s so hard to talk to and I can’t get any answers out of him. I mean jeepers Landon, if you don’t want to be with someone you damn well tell them! I think you’ve had plenty of time to get your reject speech prepared over the years.
So right now, my only option is to end all contact with him. Which is extremely hard to do when you run in the same social circles. Oy. When did I stop being the rebellious teenager that only had worries about how to sneak out to the next party? Too long ago, that’s for sure. Another thing is that I definitely feel I’ve grown as a person and matured while he has stayed exactly the same since we first met in high school. I’ve outgrown him, I know that. All of my friends and family known that. I guess I tend to ignore the fact that he’s the person I wanted when I was 16 and not the person I want him to be when I’m 20. These days, I need more than him simply responded to my text. Oh I could rant and rave about dear ol’ Lando forever, but I won’t because no one will enjoy that. Its just nice to get it off my chest once in a while. Hopefully next time he is mentioned, he will be part of my past and no longer my present and definitely not my future!
